Mental Health Reconciliation


I live with an unsteady mental health situation. I don’t believe it will ever leave, and I studied psychology for a while but left the world of labeling for my own version of self support, trying to focus on Forward Motion. 

I have goals I set, trying to keep my emotions in check. I fail these goals multiple times a day, but it doesn’t mean I have to have a bad day. I’m working on emotional resilience now. I have a part time job I care about very much involving a local not-for-profit. 

My friend is getting married tomorrow. I’m spending this afternoon watching old Community shows and later will go help to decorate for Jenny’s wedding. Emotional mornings leave me with way less than desirable energy to maintain whatever needs done, but I will try to refocus and prioritize the day anyhow. Tomorrow is the farmers market in the morning and then the actual wedding.  



6 Buddhist Practices to Incorporate for a Better Life


Six right livelihood guidelines

Consume mindfully.

  • Eat with awareness and gratitude.
  • Pause before buying and see if breathing is enough.
  • Pay attention to the effects of media you consume.

Pause. Breathe. Listen.

  • When you feel compelled to speak in a meeting or conversation, pause.
  • Breathe before entering your home, pleace of work, or school.
  • Listen to the people you encounter. They are buddhas.

Practice gratitude.

  • Notice what you have
  • Be equally grateful for opportunities and challenges.
  • Share joy, not negativity.

Cultivate compassion and loving kindness.

  • Notice where help is needed and be quick to help
  • Consider others’ perspectives deeply.
  • Work for peace at many levels.

Discover wisdom

  • Cultivate “don’t know” mind (curiosity!)
  • Find connections between Buddhist teachings and your life.
  • Be open to what arises in every moment.

Accept constant change.

Settling in for Colder Days


It was five degrees above zero when I awoke this morning in my boyfriend’s warm bed in Indianapolis, In. Too cold to take the dogs out and walk them like I need to, so they lay indoors for days on end, going outside and running back to where I wait at the door as they do their business. But sleep, these dreary winter days are filled with sleep for those of us who consent to the boredom of the frigid temps. Give in and hibernate through the coldest months, that’s what the body language says.

I try to unsettle some anxiety that has settled upon the top part of my mind. Adderall helps me keep most of it under control, back in whatever Pandora’s box it came from inside my subconscious, but it glimmers underneath everything, the worries & what if’s & strain, my mind unable to see the end of the endless agitation.  

I’ve been unemployed for weeks now, and I start a new job as a server at a restaurant beside the interstate, just around the corner from where I spend most of my time at my boyfriends house. His mother’s house really, but he has dibs on the walk-in basement. It’s pretty, plenty of space for the dogs to run ’round when the outdoors are being more friendly. 

I wonder about so much. It’s hard to spend every minute just catching my thoughts and shooing them away, trying to stay unstuck from the road-rage having panicky and frustrated mindset that’s been my life for so many years. 

I wonder if I can do enough as a person, to change, or for other people. I wonder how I can ever repay people for what they’ve done, when I feel I never do enough on my best days for them, let alone when I’m stuck in a rut and mooching to survive. And I wonder how people think of me, I have to worry about how I come across and project myself, filter myself-especially with the whole starting-new-jobs scenario. No better time to shut my mouth and just let people wonder about me, instead of writing me off as a drivel-talking blonde with a tendency to spaz out at times.
I think of all the hobbies I want to do, that I put off for the sake of routine, and all the things I need to do with my life and want to do. It’s all worries, endless, what if, what if, what if.

My goal for 20 13 is less of the what if’s. It’s a hard focus to keep, but I’m determined to find my path. I don’t know where it is or what I need to focus on to get myself where I need to be, but I’m certain that there will be change at least. Days don’t have to be dreary when it’s so sunny around us.